13 Rules for Surviving A Horror Movie Project

13 Rules for Surviving A Horror Movie Project

Horror movies follow unique and immutable laws of physics. There's never anything in the backseat unless you forget to check it. Brand new cars with the sticker still on the window will refuse to start when zombies attack. Even with a full gas tank and 35 mpg, you're going to end up with an empty tank on a deserted highway with no shelter but a creepy haunted old mansion. Sound like some of the projects you've worked? We thought so too. So with our favorite creepy holiday approaching, we decided it was time to publicize our favorite rules and tools for surviving a (project) horror movie. There are thirteen, naturally; read at your own risk!

The 13 Rules for Surviving Projects

- Never do anything on a dare
- Don't pickup hitchhikers
- Recombinant DNA is not a toy
- It's probably deserted for a reason
- Wear running shoes
- Check the ammo supply
- Turn on the lights
- It wasn't just the cat
- Look behind you
- Don't split up
- Don't be afraid to call in backup
- Coffee is for when the building's not on fire
- No, it's not dead yet

1. Never Do Anything on a Dare

Any idea that's followed by the words "that would be really cool" is a good candidate for a stop, look, and think approach. Sticking your hand into dank, musty markets or spending the night in an abandoned product line in order to impress the execs is only going to work if you don't lose something important (like reputation, capital, or critical project resources). This template walks you through the entire rationale, so you can assess new ideas in a consistent, repeatable fashion that allows you to compare their benefits against each other as well as against objective reality. (Hint: Talking dolls are pretty much always a bad idea.)

2. Don't Pick Up Hitchhikers

A little yes here, a little yes there, and before you know it you're careening down the road with a homicidal clown and a guy with bolts sticking out of his neck. You'll never get to that quaint little town festival in the middle of nowhere if you keep stopping to pick up strangers. This worksheet helps you keep the project goals in clear view, and makes it very obvious what is out-of-bounds. Having a common understanding of these boundaries, in a simple "is/is-not" form, reduces do-overs and makes it easier to sort out requests that make sense and those that should prompt you to hit the door locks and floor it.

3. Don't Fool Around with Recombinant DNA Technology Unless You Know What You're Doing

Before you decide to throw in a little frog DNA just to round out the edges, make sure you've really thought it through. This table format provides a concise way to document, analyze, and communicate the scope and feature alternatives for your project. Consider and capture the critical factors, and compare the impact of various combinations on cost, schedule, resources, risk, and potential staff loss to rampaging carnivorous reptiles.

4. It's Probably Deserted for a Reason

If the locals say it's haunted or cursed, listen to them. They've been around a lot longer than you have. They can probably tell you exactly what the problem is, or at least where, if only someone asked, and if only they weren't so busy fighting off all those ravenous change requests and shambling zombies. This paper by Cinda Voegtli outlines how to get everyone to put down the shotguns, step out of the bunkers, and develop a new plan of attack so you can get your product out the door.

5. If You Expect Zombies, Go With the Running Shoes

Those shambling zombies are a LOT faster than they look; high heels and oxfords aren't going to cut it. Neither will laying around and screaming about it, for that matter. You need to have a plan and an escape route, and you need to know when to use them both. This collection of tables and guidelines helps you develop a comprehensive risk plan covering both technical and non-technical areas, and analyze them against factors like potential impact, probability, and how hard it is to spot them on a dark night or in a thick fog. It covers risk ownership too, so you can ensure someone is actually watching for the zombies instead of waiting for them to sneak up on you.

6. Check for Bullets BEFORE You Need the Shotgun

Why does it always come as such a surprise when they pull the trigger and nothing happens? Did no one think to look for ammo when they grabbed the weapons out of that old shed behind the farmhouse? This template provides a simple table for documenting the equipment and tools that will be needed during a project, before the project. Your list should include the things you'll need (decoy hockey mask, working flashlights, chainsaw repellent), as well as vital information like need dates and owners (before the city-sponsored graveyard relocation, any character that has lines in the second half of the script) to ensure that equipment is available on schedule.

7. Turn On the Lights

Something's gone bump in the night, so you fumble around for a bit, see something scampering around out of the corner of your eye, and announce with a relieved sigh that "it was just the cat." Wouldn't it be a lot easier and less stressful if you flipped on the light switch? This template includes several different one-page document formats for getting a true picture of a project or portfolio at a glance, and a presentation format for talking to management-everything you need to make sure that no one (including you) is stumbling around in the dark.

8. P.S.: It Wasn't Just the Cat

That little scamper you saw out of the corner of your eye? It was actually the cat trying to get the heck away from the giant axe-wielding maniac wreaking havoc on the other side of the room. (This is why turning on the lights is so important.) Sure would be nice if you had a high-level view of everything that's going on right now. This easily scanned form was designed to keep executives-who never read more than a page no matter what's chasing them-up to date on project progress, by showcasing all the major project parameters: scope, goals, resources, expenses, and risks. A compact form like this is a great overview for project managers as well as execs; it doesn’t leave axe-wielding maniacs anywhere to hide.

9. Look Behind You

How much carnage would be averted if people would just look over their shoulder once in a while? Reviewing the lessons learned from previous projects gives you a front-row view of the bogeymen that stalked them. If you don't have these invaluable records from the previous team(s), consider calling the lessons learned meeting yourself. This sample agenda shows you how to capture a wealth of information in just a few hours, with time left over to brainstorm better approaches. Even if you're calling on memories from months ago, people have an amazing capacity to remember disastrous results and near misses, and will probably be able to tell you right where the bogeymen are hiding. Shouldn't you know too?

10. Don't Split Up

"Let's split up" is almost always a terrible idea. (But go with it if you're pretty sure the other guy is one of the pod people.) You don't want to be the guy standing around wondering where everyone went and why the fog suddenly got so thick. So if you're pulling in an outside team, make sure they're really on the team, with a clear understanding of your goals, objectives, and timelines. This paper draws on QRPD principles to provide real world examples and specific recommendations for keeping everyone from running off in different directions.

11. Just Call the Cops Already!

When the creepy villain is chasing people around in the fog, how come they never call for backup? Self-sufficiency is admirable, but certain situations call for an authority figure with a really big gun and access to SWAT gear. An escalation process can help your team deal with high-level issues like threats to staffing (stealth reassignments, mysterious portals in appliances), unmet group dependencies (recalcitrant science teams who would rather "study it" than work on the antidote), scope disagreements (like whether to quarantine the neighborhood or the entire town), and issues with functionality (has anyone made sure the brand-new getaway car still starts?). This guideline will help you establish an escalation process appropriate to your situation. Examples from several different project environments are included, so you can see how escalation plans work when different factors like company culture and project complexity come into play.

12. Making Coffee Will Not Stall the Monsters

You'd better believe that the bad guys aren't popping off for a quick cappuccino while they discuss how to get around the hastily-rigged trap you just installed on the back porch. You need a better plan, and fast. By all means continue with the coffee maker, as long as it hasn't spoken a dead language or sucked anyone into a vortex yet. But while it's brewing, you might want to try some of these brainstorming techniques for getting a group focused on finding and fixing the problem, once and for all. Pound for pound, problem solving beats hitting the panic button (or the double-non-fat-whipped-mocha-lattes).

13. No, It's Not Dead Yet

Everyone knows that monsters have more lives than cats from suspicious cemeteries. If you need to send your monster project to its just rewards, you don't want it to pop up again (and again and again) where you least expected it. This detailed guideline helps you plan a strategy for closing it down once and for all, without leaving a nasty mess behind in the process.